“I Do” “I Do” but before you do… DO YOU?

Deborah Hutchison

As creator of the family and friend agreements I can tell you that I have used each and every one of our agreements except for the Shared Parenting Agreement and that’s because I have no children. I thought it might be of interest to share how I use each agreement and the results I get. After all if I don’t use them then why should I suggest you do?

Loves Logistics – Roadmap to Forever Agreement

Marriage Vows!

“I Do”…. two of the most important words you’ll ever say!

How do I know!!!! I have said those two words twice. The first marriage lasted five years (I stayed for seven) and the second marriage we’ve just celebrated 30 years….yep 30 years with same man.

So I asked myself why did one marriage fail so miserably and the other keep getting better and better? I realized it was all about the “I DO” but did I?

My first husband and I met in High School. We attended different colleges and upon graduation we came home and got married. I like to think of us as babies then and looking back from where I am now we were. I worked while he went to Medical school. Then I started my own business. He was busy at school I was busy at work. I always thought he knew I wanted to have my own business, live in the city, and maybe not have kids. I never knew he wanted to live in the suburbs with a stay at home wife and children. Oops blissful matrimony started to unravel. Love could not conquer all! We were both unhappy. It was a very painful time and I remember thinking the breakdown of the marriage was my fault. I have erased that time of my life and realize that if I had asked the right questions before we got married perhaps I would never have said “I do” because clearly I didn’t.

 So what makes husband #2 and I last for the 30 years and counting? Those same important words “I Do”. Before we were married we talked about our future together. He wanted to live in California I said I do too. I said I wanted to keep my own business he said I’ll support you anyway I can. I said I’m not the best cook and housekeeper. He said his business takes him out of town a lot. I said I don’t think I need to have children he said I’m ok with that. I said I wanted an active social life he said I’m shy but I’ll stand by your side. He said I’ll take care of technology and computers I said I’ll take care of our finances. Then we both said “I Do”


Every few years we bring out the Loves Logistics Agreement and use it as a checklist. It provides questions to prompt discussion about our life changes and new desires. We communicate and articulate together making decisions and agreeing about next steps in life. “I Do” look forward to the next 30 years together.

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